Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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