Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The uberlube is also flammable
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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