Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
