That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
