Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
