Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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