Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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