It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
