Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
