You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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