I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
