I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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