I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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