he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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