You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
