I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
