two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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