just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
