I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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