Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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