I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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