You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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