We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
