im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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