I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize