I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
