I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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