wakey wakey hands off snakey
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
