I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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