Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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