dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
