It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
