Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she told me i tasted like america
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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