i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
