we're blogging at a bar
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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