i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
