Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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