And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
