I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
