It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
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Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
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My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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