i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
