Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
