yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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