I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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