my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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