omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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