I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
it glows. i had to have it.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize