so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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