Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
