Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
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