Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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