That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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