I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
