So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize