Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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