Having a random hookup so left but love u
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
