Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
