Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
