So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Your dad touched me again.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Randomize
