So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
