her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
