the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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