Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
