so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
