so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
