I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
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I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
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His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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