i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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