just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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