I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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