Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
